Friday, September 26, 2008

sad days sometimes

Although you feel like a normal human, and you're not going to want to rip someone else's off just because they are constantly rubbing their pregnant tummy, or saying to you, I wish you could just feel this...Yes I know I do want to feel a baby kicking. I never will, and sometimes feeling yours does not in any way shape or form make us feel any better. Unless we ask, don't push your pregnant bellies in our faces. just give us a little space.

Still have blue days

Although most days are great and I've dealt with my infertility issues, I still have days where I want to get up and run screaming from the place. I mean how many baby showers can you possibly attend in your lifetime. I think it should be capped off at 50 or so. least where you wouldn't have to go to the ones where the mom got pregnant just walking in the bedroom or her husband looking at her....I once heard a woman tell another at my work, I'll let you borrow my husband for a while, he doesn't have any problems getting me pregnant. Well no thanks I love my husband very much..I'm the one with the jacked up fallopian tubes and ovaries it's not my husband. It took along time for me to realize that my husband was there for the long haul, whether we had kids are not. He always told me that he could have married someone who could have lots of kids and be miserable or He got me maybe no kids but complete happiness!!! Sometimes I wonder if he really got a fair deal..Just having a sad day. Feel better getting off my chest.

Monday, September 8, 2008


My husband & I went through a IVF cycle four years ago, I felt like I was the only person in the world who was going through this. At the time there was several people I worked with who were pregnant, so without trying, one other person who wanted to be pregnant but only wants a certain sex, which amazes me. Who are we to be selective. I would have loved to had a baby. When you get to that point, you don't care. You just want a baby. The reason I am writing this is so I can get some of this off my chest. When your around pregnant people they don't & won't even try to understand why you don't want their pregnancy rubbed in your face. They usually only think of themselves. One of closest friends from elem school is going through this very situation right now. Reading her blogs made me feel so much better, to know that your not the only one in the world who feels the way we do. So thanks to my friend, you know who you are. our IVF cycle did not work, health wise I couldn't do another cycle because the meds had mutated my ovary into a monster. I had a hysterectomy last june. I feel much better physically but my heart still hurts sometimes. Mainly because I will never feel a baby moving inside of me, or feel a baby kick. Some things are hard to deal with even 4 yrs later. We ended up adopting which was god's plan I guess to begin with. We love our child like nothing else. Well anyone who reads this, If it helps just one person, or makes one person feel a little better, that was my goal.