Friday, October 24, 2008

Well I chose to take the reins in this situation that I'm in. We talked to our adoption lawyer and she said that all the stuff that was going on was harrassment. I thought to myself actually it felt like a living hell, and so I feel better now that someone who is in the legal profession thought this stuff was not right either. So we changed our phone number to unlisted, and our lawyer said she would mail a letter to the "biological donor" if anything else was done. I just hated that it came to this point. You feel like a bad guy for complaining about things, but you also want your life to go on. Without having to look over your shoulder all the time. Thinking you're going to run into them. well that's about it.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

adoption woes

Well I've also learned that with adoption, It is never really over. My Son is 4 yrs old, and the biological mom just won't let us live our lives. Just when you're in that calm space in your life and you can handle anything, there the phone rings....even when Our adoption was closed, this mom still wants to call us at the worst possible times. I think to purposely get my life in a upheaval. It's a control thing. She wants to talk to my 4 yr old and tear him up I guess like she does me. He doesn't know her and to hear some woman crying hyst on the phone is not going to happen. anybody out there got any suggestions? Thanks, Lanie

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

So tomorrow it's off to another baby shower, where you have to sit and pretend to be so excited for someone who having their 2nd, 3rd, or 4th baby. If you go you pretend to be happy, and don't get me wrong, I do much better as the years go by, but it's still hard. I thank god every day that we adopted our son, or else I don't think I would ever be able to attend any of those things. I would just be a bitter, BARREN, hateful witch, that no one would want to be around. So my life goes on. And to more & more baby showers I go. Maybe after the 100 th one it won't be so bad. So to all of us who have to sit to the side while everyone around us is pregnant, I send a prayer out today. I hope everyone has a beautiful day!!

Friday, September 26, 2008

sad days sometimes

Although you feel like a normal human, and you're not going to want to rip someone else's off just because they are constantly rubbing their pregnant tummy, or saying to you, I wish you could just feel this...Yes I know I do want to feel a baby kicking. I never will, and sometimes feeling yours does not in any way shape or form make us feel any better. Unless we ask, don't push your pregnant bellies in our faces. just give us a little space.

Still have blue days

Although most days are great and I've dealt with my infertility issues, I still have days where I want to get up and run screaming from the place. I mean how many baby showers can you possibly attend in your lifetime. I think it should be capped off at 50 or so. least where you wouldn't have to go to the ones where the mom got pregnant just walking in the bedroom or her husband looking at her....I once heard a woman tell another at my work, I'll let you borrow my husband for a while, he doesn't have any problems getting me pregnant. Well no thanks I love my husband very much..I'm the one with the jacked up fallopian tubes and ovaries it's not my husband. It took along time for me to realize that my husband was there for the long haul, whether we had kids are not. He always told me that he could have married someone who could have lots of kids and be miserable or He got me maybe no kids but complete happiness!!! Sometimes I wonder if he really got a fair deal..Just having a sad day. Feel better getting off my chest.

Monday, September 8, 2008


My husband & I went through a IVF cycle four years ago, I felt like I was the only person in the world who was going through this. At the time there was several people I worked with who were pregnant, so without trying, one other person who wanted to be pregnant but only wants a certain sex, which amazes me. Who are we to be selective. I would have loved to had a baby. When you get to that point, you don't care. You just want a baby. The reason I am writing this is so I can get some of this off my chest. When your around pregnant people they don't & won't even try to understand why you don't want their pregnancy rubbed in your face. They usually only think of themselves. One of closest friends from elem school is going through this very situation right now. Reading her blogs made me feel so much better, to know that your not the only one in the world who feels the way we do. So thanks to my friend, you know who you are. our IVF cycle did not work, health wise I couldn't do another cycle because the meds had mutated my ovary into a monster. I had a hysterectomy last june. I feel much better physically but my heart still hurts sometimes. Mainly because I will never feel a baby moving inside of me, or feel a baby kick. Some things are hard to deal with even 4 yrs later. We ended up adopting which was god's plan I guess to begin with. We love our child like nothing else. Well anyone who reads this, If it helps just one person, or makes one person feel a little better, that was my goal.